I thought to write up some of the things I have been up to as a way to review & summarise the first five months of 2018
I am in an incredibly fortunate position to be able to receive enough donations to volunteer my time for free to Divine Truth & God’s Way companies. I will describe in the later part of this post what I am currently involved in. But I wanted to thank everyone who donates personally to me, your donations make it possible for me to continue being involved in the way I am. So many people who donate to me on the regular basis or a one off time, have never met me in person, and yet they choose to support me based on what they hear from Jesus & Mary about my involvement in production processes for Divine Truth. I really appreciate your generosity guys.
Many people who were supporting Igor & I, have chosen to support just myself in the last year, and this is an amazing gift to receive.
I recently updated the donations page and added more ways for those who wish to donate from overseas, can now do it with more ease, thanks to the Boarderless Accounts & Transferwise services.
I want to thank everyone who financially supports me personally, it really helps me out to pay for living expenses while offering my time to Divine Truth & God’s Way Ltd operations.
I want to thank Jesus & Mary. They are working really hard to benefit the world. Their work & dedication to their vision is inspirational to me. A lot of their personal effort & time goes into designing projects, programmes & workflows that become part of all operations in Divine Truth as well as in God’s Way Ltd. These projects, programmes & workflows directly improve member’s & volunteer’s ability to be involved in these operations. Currently there is no one who could take on the responsibilities Jesus & Mary are carrying due to members & volunteers lacking experiences, drive, & vision in our hearts.
Jesus & Mary have been both involved in educating members & volunteers of Divine Truth & God’s Way Ltd to work through emotional reasons that block us from engaging our passions & desires that are in harmony with God’s Love. This is important so we can then be far more effective to engage many of the activities in Divine Truth & God’s Way organisations. I am very grateful to have this opportunity to be part of these organisations & to develop and learn in the process.
I also would like to thank Eloisa & Tristan for engaging in their desire to run of the Volunteer Selection Projects. These projects assist in finding more people who are passionate about becoming dedicated in assisting with furthering Divine Truth around the world, and who are personally willing to engage living their lives in God’s Way.
Currently, most of my work time is spent volunteering at Divine Truth. I am involved in the following tasks:
- Setting up for recording (Assisting Jesus)
- Recording of presentations at the studio or live event
- Video switching live recording
- Editing of all video & audio produced by Divine Truth (with Jesus)
- Stock taking & documentation of the production equipment (with the help of Tristan & Corny)
- Training others in understanding of equipment, live switching, editing & recording (with Jesus & Eloisa)
- Cleaning of the studio (part of the team)
- Attending to Divine Truth Office & FAQ email accounts (with Mary)
- Training others in handling Office & FAQ email accounts for Divine Truth (with Mary)
- Documenting processes of organising a live event
- Documenting training I personally received from Jesus to benefit others who join the team
God’s Way Ltd
Some of my work and off time is spent volunteering for God’s Way Ltd, currently these are the tasks I am involved in:
- Setting up for recording (assisting Tristan & Eloisa)
- Recording of live events (with Eloisa)
- Editing of video & audio files
- Documenting God’s Way Ltd projects (part of the team)
- Sorting, editing & backing up photos (which were collected by me)
- Partaking in working bee days
Documentation of environmental projects on properties owned by individuals who are implementing experiments that aim to restore environment’s condition.
Benefiting the World Assignment
During the last God’s Way Ltd Volunteer Selection Project, I was given an opportunity to pitch a personal project idea that I hope will directly assist the world. I don’t know if it will, so time will show.
The idea for the assignment is about helping people who are passionate about finding God’s Truth while investigating any field of endeavour & who after experimenting with that truth, willing to share those findings & their personal experiences in an effective way with the world. At the moment the project is called “Share Your Flare”. The project will have guidelines & tips for how to document & present your own project & findings to the world.
In the future, I hope to create a single place, like tiki-wiki website, where those who want to contribute their findings can do so by submitting their data via this website. This data could then be considered for the benefit of research. My hope is that we’ll have a pool valid information on any subject. I hope this will become a reality for God’s Way Ltd, because in order to validate any Truth in a scientific manner, we will need data.
If you are interested in knowing more about this project, you can read a 2 minute summary here.
I still need to work on the content for this project, so at this stage it is unclear when I will finalise it, my hope is that I present a skeleton for it in the coming 2 months, and will add content to it as it becomes available.
Legor Production was set up by Igor & I to be able to report our donations as income to Australian Tax Office. Since Igor hasn’t been volunteering for over a year, I made a decision to continue running the partnership until it becomes clear that we need to close it down and run our own businesses instead. This means that I am currently responsible for accounting & business reporting.
Emotions – Anger
I have so many issues with anger & addictions, which means these topics deserve their own posts, but I thought to give a quick summary here.
I have been revisiting presentations by Jesus from 2009 on the subject anger is your guide, as I have been feeling stuck in my emotions and sensed that I am very resistive to dig deeper into something, but I wasn’t sure what exactly. I am coming to see that I have a lot of anger that I am not prioritising to feel, about various things that happened in my life.
My relationship with anger is very interesting, at some point I thought I understood what Jesus & Mary were talking about, that we need to feel all of our emotions honestly, and if its anger that we are experiencing we need to let ourselves to let it out. At some point later, I conveniently convinced myself that anger is an addiction that I could choose not to have. What it meant in practice, that I talked myself out of my anger when I could. Meaning that when I got angry to the point of losing my cognitive abilities, I was angry and that was that, but the times when I was irritated slightly, or could just ignore the anger, I ignored it with the excuse that I didn’t need to go there that I just needed to feel emotions underneath. Well, I am here to report that it didn’t work, since over time I became numb to my feelings & it was harder to feel anything.
This adaptation about anger being an addiction, was suitable to me because I have a lot of conflicting emotions about anger, on one hand I seek comfort in it (unconsciously), in another I am terrified to acknowledge I have it. All of these conflicts need to be felt in order to move forward with just experiencing it.
I understand now better that I often seek comfort in anger, in favour of surrendering to other emotions, and this can be looked upon as an addiction, however if this anger is acknowledged and felt honestly, it will be a doorway to feeling things under.
Last week, Jesus had a meeting with members & volunteers on the subject of anger, encouraging us to connect to it & resolve our blocks about it, otherwise we can not grow further. I can clearly see now that the numb feeling I was in, if gone unchecked for longer, would make me feel more desperate to get in touch with emotions which are under the anger, but since that’s impossible without feeling every emotion in sequence, there is a big chance I could develop a facade that I was changing without actually changing or alternatively I could easy give up on the whole process.
Emotions – Addictions
I am in the process of realising that my life is primarily filled with chasing addictions. Jesus & Mary spoke about addictions a lot, and it took me many years of listening and connecting to my resistances to acknowledging that I might be in a lot of addiction, mainly emotional ones. You can check out presentations on this subject here, & here.
Addiction is an emotional avoidance to feel certain way. Emotional addictions are ways we choose to avoid how we feel. These kind of addictions often lead us to take actions that can help us to avoid our feelings. For example, when I am very challenged I often choose to stay up late doing things, to avoid resting quietly in my bed where a lot of feelings might surface. I have many addictive ways to avoid my feelings. I remember when I used to work in the office environment, I often was bored & would spend time on the telephone or on social media to entertain myself from boringness. I still use entertainment to distract myself from how I feel.
I am now realising that I am fully in addictions most of the time, because most of the time I am avoiding how I feel, and only when I am properly connected to my feelings, is when I am not in addiction. Connecting to my feelings may mean feeling angry & upset, or fearful & sad, but it also includes when I am happy, desirous and taking actions based on those feelings. From analysing my day to day life, I do not spend majority of time in my feelings, I spend it in avoiding how I feel. Yep, finally, I am honest with myself about that.
At the recent meeting I mentioned earlier, Jesus encouraged to feel our desire for addiction, rather than deny we have it or act upon it. Addiction’s job is to help us distract ourselves from feelings, so if we want to feel feelings but for some reason can not, it is most likely because we are in addictions which are helping us to avoid those feelings, we can not be in two places at the same time, we can not desire to feel an emotion & desire to engage the addiction at the same time, at some point desire to feel the emotion has to be bigger than to avoid that emotion.
Jesus is teaching us to feel the desire for the addiction, instead of acting impulsively to engage in addiction. This is going to be my challenge for the year, to deconstruct as many addictions as possible & feel my anger.
Emotions – Money
I am currently working through resistances in myself about dealing with emotional issues surrounding my addictions with money. This is an important process I feel for many reasons, one of these reasons is that its crucial that I do not use donations, I receive, in unloving ways to suppress my feelings.
Some of the ways I do that, is buy something (to eat, to wear or to use) that would make me not feel unloved or undesirable; at times I would go to places to engross myself in a new place or in a busy with people environment to forget myself & my pain, etc.
These emotions also stop me from becoming financially independent from Divine Truth & God’s Way Ltd, which means that until I deal with these emotions, I will not be able to attract enough donations without relying on donations that come directly from Jesus & Mary or God’s Way Ltd.
If somebody else is willing to challenge themselves too on this subject, then, again, as stated above, Jesus teaches that the key is to feel the desire to do those things, instead of engaging them, there will also be anger to feel through, such as “but I need it because ….” or “if I don’t do this for myself then …” , etc. This is the only way to work through addiction.
During the first God’s Way Ltd general meeting in 2018, Jesus gave a presentation about members of the organisation sharing a vision in their heart. Most members are not yet connected to the vision. Jesus equated it to taking terns in driving a bus full of people, each driver would choose their own direction and lead the rest of passengers to driver’s own destination, instead, members need to share the same vision in order to be unison with the direction each is going and leading the organisation. This is the most important talk for the organisation & for those who are involved.
My goal is to find my vision, what it is, and what I want to do in live. I am easily inspired and often can act upon what other people are excited about, but it is important that I find my own vision & and connect to it fully.
Igor and I are going through an awkward and very sad time in our relationship. We are not living together since October 2017. I asked him to move out in order to help him see that his treatment of me was unloving and serious enough for me to ask him to move out. He is now working to pay off his debts and to save up money for the plans he has in the near future.We don’t see each other often, but we stay in touch a few times a week via phone. I am still passionate about working on my relationship with Igor, and he says that he is too, but time will tell how we go with that, and when we will be able to get back together. At the moment, our issue is that Igor is still fighting for his facade and wants me to honour it, where is I find it very uncomfortable to deal with. Also, I am in the process of realising the demands Igor & I have on each other, as they need to be stopped in order to have a better relationship. For an example, to give a better idea what I mean. One of my unloving demands is for Igor to change, I have many more. One of Igor’s is for me to accept him the way he is, which clashes with the demand I have on him, both demands are unfulfilled which makes us cranky with each other. The key is to realise the demand and to stop it, by feeling how much I want it, and I will then be able to find out what emotional believes & desires driving it. In this example I also have anger about me living alone & potentially not having a man in my life. Currently, I am only up to the part realising the demand.
Real changes take time. I can see that often I can take actions based on what I think the truth is, but that doesn’t mean that I’ve dealt with all of the emotions that were a problem at the start. I have done this in my dealings with family members as well as in my dealings with Igor. I now see better, that the only way I can change how I feel, is to follow up all of my actions with sincere emotional process, rather than just deal with situations by getting rid of them or getting rid of people who cause the problematic situations.
I have been making some changes to this website, and I will keep at it. I never had a website that I am personally responsible for, and so I am just learning to create content and format it for ease of reading. You will see changes to the pages & content as I add it here.
There are many ideas I hope to bring to live in the coming 2 years that will be reflected on this blog.
I hope you are having a good day.
Bye for now. Lena