I wanted to share a little about what’s been going on for me this year, and what I have been doing.
Foremost, I wanted to thank Jesus & Mary for their kindness, generosity, support, inspiration, hard work, examples and incredible gifts they share with me personally and with the world. I feel incredibly lucky to receive a lot of feedback from them to reflect upon which has been most helpful. I feel these people are rare and inspirational in the way they wish to assist all people to be happier no matter who or where those people are, which is frankly very different to anything else I observe commonly happen on the planet now or historically. I also value the way they relate to God, to life and to others, like no one else I know, and it’s something most valuable and worthy to learn about.
I want to say a huge thank you to people who have continued to donate money to me, I deeply appreciate your generosity. Not many of you hear from me or about what I do with my time, you probably hear a little via Jesus & Mary’s blog, and yet quite a few of you choose to donate, I see this as such a beautiful and generous gift. Here is a little information about donations I receive and what I spend it on.
This year my living expenses average out to $2900 per month, from which $2000 is rent & food while the rest is car related expenses & business and personal bills and donations to others. The average donations per month I receive is $3400. Which gives me a little money to spend on extras, especially the months when I get a bit more than the average. I get techy stuff for me to be able to do some of the things I am passionate about, like an extra HDD storage for the data I collect from various projects, or camera lenses, or simply saving up for a computer upgrade that is due, donating to others who I love to support, clothe, fun things, mulch, seeds and plants for my little environmental experiments, and of course to pay for unforeseen expenses. A group of volunteers were given some feedback by Jesus & Mary about our injuries around finances, and I had some feedback about couple of emotions I have relating to money and Jesus & Mary also assisted me to see how I can explore on my own more emotions I have on the subject which is for average person, they say, is at least 20 emotions. I am excited to learn about spending money responsibly, unselfishly and with love in mind not for my addictions or self-serving desires, I have much growth to do on this issue. I see this lesson as very important for anyone who is passionate about learning to live a life more in harmony with love. Living by donation is very special in many ways. I can’t say that I have worked through all of my fears about it, but I am just very grateful for such an opportunity and a lifestyle which allows me to gauge my growth or lack of in this area.
What I’ve been up to
I thought to take the time and describe some things I have been engaged in these past few months.
Those of you who offered me the financial support in 2017, have made it possible for me to continue volunteering full time to help with recording and editing of new Divine Truth material which will likely start being released in the coming weeks from the date of this post, I think there are over 50 presentations. If you are subscribed to Divine Truth YouTube channel you should be notified about the new videos via your email. I feel incredibly lucky and privileged to have the opportunity to volunteer my time to Divine Truth and to participate in Divine Truth and in God’s Way in some small way, this is an incredible gift I feel, that I am able to volunteer my time towards what I believe is the most honest and truthful message today on the planet about what real love is and about God, while also engaging the process to align my life with the message.
So 2017 has been an interesting year of catching up. Catching up on personal things in my life, catching up on producing what has been recorded in Divine Truth studio this year, catching up on a little rest.
Start of this year I found myself a little exhausted mainly due to the emotional stress in my personal life, which I am now working to remedy and to feel about. There are a lot of issues in my relationship with Igor that needed attention from both of us and now I am finally starting to give that attention to some of the difficult emotional issues that stand between me and him, more on this below.
Volunteering at Divine Truth Studio
This year has been a year of growth for me in my role in assisting with filming and producing of the Divine Truth material. Since Igor has not been volunteering from the start of this year, I had to step up and learn many things I had no experience in. Myself & Jesus are the only people who handle the post-production at the moment, and Eloisa is currently learning to create chapter markers, and she is building up an advanced skill level, from the basic ways we used to do them, with the help and directions from Jesus.
Markers. I want to talk about them as they have consumed a large part of everyone’s time on the team in the last 6 months. We’ve learnt a lot and became somewhat more advanced as a result of the trials and errors.
I will share a little more about these mysterious & time consuming markers. You see, they play a huge role in the production of Divine Truth material, and hopefully this practice will be adopted by God’s Way from early on, as everyone will then benefit from this system into the future. I want to talk about the benefits and the processes.
Chapter markers not only allow us to skip to the desired section in the video, they also offer many things, here is a short list: synchronised timing between video, individual audio files, outlines and transcripts; used for searching functions in the database (the upgrade which Jesus has been planning and working on & will continue on into the future); markers help with video descriptions as they provide a list of all topics covered in the presentations; markers play a key role in some of the automated processes involving updating of the outlines, creation of the subtitles, creation of the headers in the transcriptions for the Records Team, automation of the clipping processes; and perhaps in some other wonderful ways which we have not thought about yet. To be able to have any success with the markers, they must be created, thoroughly timed and phrased. This process now is smooth but long, and it starts from Jesus & Mary.
- It starts from Jesus & Mary creating a far more intensely planned, designed and loaded with information outlines.
- These outlines are then converted into specialised buttons files for an iPad application called Cut Notes. This is done with a semi-automated process which was designed by Jesus & programmed by Kate. Thank you, Jesus & Kate, you are awesome, me & Eloisa love our buttons!
- These buttons are then imported into Cut Notes on our iPads, to create live logging and timing during the recording, for each section of the material as it’s covered. We also collect a lot of extra data to summarize what has been discussed. This task is done mainly by Eloisa.
- The created file is then edited by Eloisa, Jesus or myself.
- If the recording was made of a mediumship, an impromptu training material or an interview conducted by the 3rd party person, Jesus & Mary obviously do not create outlines for such presentations, and so in this case, this marker file, which is done on the fly rather than following a structured outline, gets heavily edited by Jesus, creating headers and sub headers. This helps me to understand what sections are going to be stand alone in the next step, and what information is just part of the summary or description.
- We then import this file into the video editing program called Final Cut Pro, we use Marker Import application for that.
- In Final Cut, I then edit the timing of each marker and convert some of them to become chapter marker, which will then appear in the video.
- All markers are then re-checked
- Upon completion of the video & audio editing, I export an XML file from Final Cut Pro and then convert it into Microsoft Excel format using another program called Producer’s Best Friend (cool name, hah…).
- This Excel file is then used in the automated process to update original or create a new outline. This is necessary because each chapter marker is the heading or a sub heading in the outline, if any new headings were created during the last stage they will be automatically added into the original outline, into its appropriate slot, because we have time codes for everything and the program can calculate locations based on the timecodes. Also, any extra information gathered during the live recording is also added to outlines in this automated stage. This automated program has been designed by Jesus and programmed by Kate. I should just say that all of the automated processes are designed & programmed by Jesus or designed by Jesus & programed by Kate.
- The next semi-automated process is performed by Jesus, who is testing out the process, to create clips from the presentation which just got produced. How awesome is that! I hear that the process is swift, it’s like magic, 5 seconds per clip is all it takes. And so, a lot of extra data from outlines we collected at the live recording, gets included in the appropriate clip description.
- There will also be processes that involve logging this data into databases.
- The name of each clip is identical to the heading of the section of the full presentation so it will be very easy to navigate through all the Divine Truth teachings, which has been a huge issue in the past, as there is so much of data but it cannot be easily found or searched for.
- So, going back to the flowing on processes from the humble markers, where we’ve left at, the final outlines are then uploaded onto Divine Truth channel and are passed on to the Records Team where they are used to assist with creating transcripts, books, headings, subtitles in English and other languages. And so, the steps and the processes continue but are part of the Records Team.
I hope this brief overview gives a little idea why the whole team is very passionate about getting these markers right.
At the Divine Truth studio, we have also been working and improving on a lot of our workflows and for me my work ethics as well. I have personally had a major learning curve all-around. Jesus has spent many hours training me in various areas of production processes. And there is still so much more to learn, and to grow for me to be consistent, persistent, experiment-ative and creative while being logical at all times, being loving in giving a gift of my time, being loving to myself, and open to learning more. So, you might hear a lot more about how I go with these.
Quietly in the background we have been organising all of the questions that have been written down and asked or not asked, at the Assitance Groups 3 held at the end of 2016, and so far we’ve got well over 1500 questions logged into a spreadsheet, out of which over 500 were answered by Jesus & Mary. These numbers do not include impromptu questions that were asked and answered live, which I feel will be double the amount at least. Courtney Pool has been helping out up until now with this process, who has been travelling from Australia to USA, to England with a thick stack of papers where the questions have been written on while she was logging the questions. Thanks so much Courtney.
Jesus has been spending a lot of time on planning out, ordering, building, configuring the new network storage system, which will completely replace the current system and will also be a new system for God’s Way as well. Mary wrote about this in detail in her blog post. This is a massive undertaking on his part, and takes a lot of his time at the moment. In case anyone wondering, like I used to, how one person can do so much, can fit so much into 1 day, here is what I observed the reason. Jesus’ “work” day starts at around 4:30 or 5:30am and often doesn’t end until 7pm or even later, he is passionate and has clear goals, organised with time and always improving, dedicated, hardworking and maintains concentration for prolonged time, he is not selfish or self involved and knows how to gift his time best, oh and doesn’t have social media accounts.
I thought maybe to give an idea what an average “work” week at the studio looks like from how and what I see, and this is not necessary means that I see and understand everything so my revision is going to be sparse.
We record normally 2 days a week, so those days are dedicated to setting up for recording the morning before we start. There are many things to be considered and adjusted for each new recording and so first day set up always takes the longest, while the second day we normally adjust and correct lights, audio volume, camera settings, angles, furniture after the experience on the first day, if needed. These days are normally extra-long for everyone involved. Jesus & Mary not only get ready (appearance wise) for the recording, which takes the least amount of their time, they are heavily involved in preparing the information for the day, printing out outlines for Eloisa and Corny (he is currently trained to assist Eloisa with markers), converting those outlines into the buttons for the Cut Notes live logging program, directing projects that are going on on their property and often attending meetings beforehand. There are always technical things that Jesus attends to for everything to work at the studio and offices smoothly, to be frank without Jesus’ expertise, care & dedication there would be a chaos I recon. He makes sure that all systems are operating, recording, backed up, updated, set up, configured, managed and so on. He is one skilful man for sure. So, we record the first 2 days of the week, back up all our data and the second 2 days of the week, we concentrate on getting started on the edit of the data, but due to some lengthy processes involved once we kick them off, we then concentrate on completion of the edit of the previous week’s recording. That’s if everything goes smoothly. Things obviously change and shift in their priority if something urgent comes up.
Apart from the main activities at the studio, there are many other projects that happen on Jesus & Mary’s property, in Divine Truth production procedures, or in God’s Way that I sometimes partake in to document, which I always thoroughly enjoy. Which means that there could be a project requiring a photo, video or audio documentation at any point. This makes it spending time at the Divine Truth studio diverse, interesting, full of experiments, and I dare say adventurous. Of course, this all is not without my personal emotional crisis (smile).
I also get to see how Jesus, Mary, Eloisa, Tristan & Catherine are super busy with God’s Way organisation and with many projects that are currently running and being organised. There are environmental recovery projects on various properties, which Cornelius has been assisting with. There is currently running the Volunteer Selection program, which Eloisa & Tristan have been running for a group of 16 invited participants who said they were passionate and were enrolled into the program. You can head over to God’s Way organisation blog page to learn more, and I’ve heard its blog is going to be revamped in the near future, to be updated with a lot of information.
Outside of the studio life is also amazing. It’s the end of spring in Queensland Australia, it is my favourite season here by far. This year spring was exceptionally rainy, warm and lush after long dry 6 month its most welcomed.
Igor and I are going through big changes in our relationship. We tried to work on some issues last year and we thought we were trying the years before that, but I can see that I was preparing myself to get started, which is getting started in its own right, but this year is when some actions have been taken and emotions followed – a lot of emotions.
If you think you are having issues with bringing up emotions, is what I told myself once or twice in the past, the recipe for that is to take some actions you are least comfortable with (loving actions is what I mean here) and see how long before your emotions come up (smile). I got my inspiration from Jesus, who ran an Assistance Group for anyone interested in 2016, talking at length about fears of taking actions, benefits when we do & the sad outcome when we don’t, how to deal with the reasons for not taking actions & how to improve at it, if you want, you can check it out here.
I am deciding that it is not ok in the relationship to continue treat one another in an unkind way, and so I’ve decided to confront the addictions in myself I have set up with Igor over many years and started to confront Igor with his addictions with me. (If you would like to see what I mean by addictions you can watch some awesome presentations on the subject here. But in short, addictions are emotional demands we have for ourselves but mainly for others to do things we see as important for us, but in reality which just help us to avoid feeling something else. eg. Wanting a husband (wife) to look after me because I don’t want to feel unsafe or unloved or uncared for, instead of just feeling those feelings and allow the husband to treat me they way they desire to and if it’s bad then confirming the bad treatment and just giving them an opportunity to change; Or wanting children (work) to make us feel special, meaningful, loved or with a role in life so we don’t have to feel about our life in general or allow feelings of being unloved to surface, etc. Addictions, we set up and get met by others, are possible because becuase the other person was conditioned to do so and has their own addictions which get met by meeting ours. This is not the best way to live a life.) I am finding that confirming addictions is most uncomfortable process, can be traumatic (due to arguments and resistance) at times, but very effective. Because when I confront Igor’s addictions, and say no to him wanting them met by me, immediately my own corresponding addictions are exposed and if I don’t chase to get busy with meeting mine and instead stay reflective, emotions flow. As soon as I confront my own addictions, and no longer want Igor to meet them, I can see more clearly why my addiction was in place, what’s driving it, but also I get to understand better why it was not confronted by Igor, which normally means that he has an addiction in place that responds to mine. So, you see, its great any way you go about it. Stopping the addiction, any way you can, in the relationship is so worthwhile.
Igor & I decided to do this 4 week experiment with our relationship. I called it Legor Relationship Experiment 1. This one was all about improving our communication skills and honesty with each other. Therefor helping us to develop humility, sincerity & grow the desire to challenge all the addictions that stand in the way of our intimacy & happiness. I thought that more commitment was needed, rather than talking about getting better at communicating ourselves, I felt it was important to actually communicate and put that effort & display of dedication to the cause. For many years, Jesus & Mary and Igor & I worked closely together, which gave them an opportunity to observe me & Igor communicate, or lack it; and they made many comments that we lacked honesty with each other. The thing about that, is when you do something for many years, and you don’t do it any other way (eg. avoiding honest communication), is because you probably don’t want to. I feel the experiment was a great challenge which brought about positive outcome within the first 7 days. Emotions were exposed, issues we could have dealt with years before, and our resistances, anger and fears were now more obvious. We spoke things that we felt all along, and there was often a shock to hear them. Underlying issues are not getting ignored for days or weeks but are discussed more rapidly. I am thinking to share in another blog post more details about this experiment, the intentions, “rules”, consequences & some of my personal reflections & examples, but in short here is my suggestion. Identify an issue in the relationship (partner, family, friend), investigate what is the loving solution or an ideally loving way to improve it (not his, her, your way but God’s, loving way) and take the actions! If you are interested in exploring all the different ways how to improve your current relationship or friendships, then maybe my future post can be of some benefit. But if you are after some inspiration then the best place to start I recon is to watch the following presentations and interviews on the subject of partner relationship by Jesus & Mary, they are very good, thought & reflection provoking: partner relationship; and the presentations about taking actions, as mentioned above.
A number of issues were exposed in our communications (the experiment mentioned above), which led Igor & I to take time apart from the relationship, we each have different reasons for this, but I feel that both need time to heal, reflect and understand ourselves better. For me the reason to separate & have some time on my own is due to my own feelings I now have about my relationship with Igor. Like anger & sadness about Igor’s desire for facade, and his growing resistance to hearing the truth about himself or how he treats me when in the relationship, and not wanting to treat me better. When we get resistive, but want to change, this is a place of rapid shift on issues that come up, but when we resist and justify – we don’t want to change, and this is a place where we inevitably get cranky even threatening to others whenever something is exposed, and unfortunately my man has not been able yet to get to a humbler place on the issue of resistance & anger and often turned nasty. These angry, mean responses towards myself is the reason why I felt the need to have time apart. There are many underlying emotions that are problematic and Igor has not been wanting to deal with those emotions, which have been exposed in him in the last 2 years, instead he has been wanting to stay with his way of looking at things and dealing with things, rather than growing a desire to see how those emotional issues affect his relationship with God, with me and other people, his attractions in life & consequential pain that they bring to him.
I have a tiny growing faith that taking actions is the only way forward for our relationship to grow towards living together a loving life, by God’s definition. Actions bring up emotions, the more actions taken the more of emotions come up, we just need to want to feel them. Feel about whatever is happening. But if we resist the emotions, I still have faith that at some point we will choose to feel them, perhaps through the persistence of God’s Laws of Compensation upon us, and when we do – life will change instantly for the better. However there always will be the realisation and sadness, from the consequences for taking time and missing on opportunities for happiness & wholeness much earlier.
Recently Jesus & Mary have offered a new work schedule for the studio. This new schedule is really nice and helpful for me personally. It helps me to get a lot more done due to having 4 work days a week instead of 3. And instead of working weekly for 3 days a week, I now generally work 3 weeks on and 1 week off rotation. This gives me a 10 day off to rest and feel through whatever comes up during the work weeks that I might of not spent time on. I can’t tell you how nice this is!
I thought 2017 will be a year of catching up for me to feel about my 2016 year. But it turned out a whole lot more productive than that. Thanks to a friend, for helping me see that, as I often forget or cannot see where I started and where I am now.
I was puzzled for a long time about how is it, from the inside, I can really have a relationship with God, an ongoing one. A lot of pennies dropped this year for me, most if the time during the live recordings which Jesus & Mary done this year. I won’t spoil the fun if some of you can not wait to hear the new presentations, all I will say for now, this year I think I am better understanding how I can start my relationship with God and I started to take some actions towards it which I am very excited about.
Dealing with emotions that came up about my relationship with Igor has been probably at the centre of my attention, but here are some of the things I have been also passionate about to improve in myself.
Growing to be less dependent on others. This is a hard one for me and I have a lot of addictions with people to help me along with my journey. Challenging this issue and the addictions at play, has been on my priority list. I am realising that in my addiction to doing things only with others I am limiting my own expression, learning, development, experimenting and finding a connection with God.
Clinginess. This has been one of the sadder addictions I so far learnt about. I called myself once a sad puppy who follows people around, just wanting to assist them, hang out with them, do things for them, as long as I don’t have to have any time alone with myself. I have a lot of fear about being alone with myself, feeling myself, and doing things for myself. Challenging my addictions around this issue is proving to be very tricky, so whenever I feel this way, I stay put at home and feel my neediness and the reasons for it. This has been very helpful, as with little progress I can start feeling myself a little more and be at ease about it, and miraculously I feel more happy and less resistive to spend time with myself. I don’t know how that works yet, and I don’t know what’s really at play with this addiction.
Becoming honest with myself. This is one of the most life changing things I recon. The entire year I have been praying about becoming more sincere in the way I think and feel, and communicate myself to others. First challenge is to be honest to myself. I never thought how difficult this is for me. The facade is not only on the outside for others to see, but most certainly on the inside for me. Second challenge is to be honest with others. This is so freaking scary but rewards are huge. The little change I sense, has already made me feel less agitated, far less defensive and more excited about God. The sum challenge is to basically say what I mean, admit to what I feel, speak honestly, do not control the response from other people & convey whatever is on my mind, but do it with a lot of self reflection and if combined with a desire to be kinder and a more loving person, I recon this is a pretty good recipe for personal growth. I observe in myself that at times I struggle to follow through with the challenge, at times I notice I make a choice to be honest, so this tells me that there is a process before I can become completely honest – automatically, without a noticeable choice to make, and pretending or simply put lying, is not going to be an option or even an inclination. Being on the outside as I am on the inside, is that possible? I hope its possible!
Becoming transparent with my opinions. I used to think that I don’t have opinions, that’s why I never share them. What a lie. What it is, is that I am used to projecting my opinions, manipulating others to agree with my opinions, but conveying what I think and feel is a new way of live, and I have set up a challenge to embrace this way of life. I struggle a lot with not making justifications or seeking commiseration from others about how hard it is for me. Whenever I do embrace the challenge, I feel the benefits immediately, and the benefits are huge. I can see that I am more happy when I share myself, opinion and engage in a loving way rather than silently manipulate people. I had no idea how unhappy I am because of not sharing myself more openly and I recon I can feel God’s Laws of Compensation adding an extra pound of pain on my soul everytime. So I feel very motivated at the moment to change despite the fears. I also start to confront some of my false beliefs about what would happen if I shared my opinions honestly, and how people would react to me if they knew what I think or feel. Fears of expressing myself & addictions around having my opinion known, have been my main resistance. And recently friends have reminded me that there is often a lot of external pressure on us to not be honest which can be scary to feel. And addictions, for example an addiction to wanting my opinion to be validated, so I don’t share it because I don’t want to feel if it’s not validated; afraid of not being liked if others do not agree with my opinion, addiction to being right and fearing of being wrong and what that means for me; for example how I see, value devalue myself if I am wrong in my opinion. There is also anger around this issue for me where I just don’t want to feel uncomfortable and being very honest while feeling some of the fears I have can be uncomfortable while those fears are there. Discovering the answers is like solving a puzzle. This process is not smooth or without mistakes. I have engaged in many situations “sharing my opinions” in total addiction and with an unloving intention. But thats the beauty, that things get exposed far more quickly, when we don’t pretend and just be honest.
I have a lot of work to do with all of the above mentioned, but I’m starting to see not just for myself, that the sooner we engage in the developing processes the better it is for us, the happier we are, and more pleasurable we are to be around too because we are more ethical, kind, considerate of others & loving.
Well, I think thats all from me for now.