Thanks for coming by for a read.
This post is part of the series about lessons I am learning about taking responsibility for being unloving and breaking not only God’s Laws but also human laws. At the core of this is my developing understanding about what it means and how to become honest within myself about my feelings, intentions & desires. You can read the first two parts to this series here and here.
In the first 2 posts, I have been mostly writing about attitudes to taking physical actions towards correcting unloving behavior and taking responsibility for it. I am currently experimenting with the same approach to now deal with emotional issues which recently have been exposed in me with the help of Jesus & Mary and I am super resistant to dealing with. This is the stage where being honest about my feelings, intentions and desires, to myself and others is very difficult but is most essential for any change to be possible. The emotions are primarily my anger, false beliefs & angry demands upon my environment to give me what I want, seeing money as what it can give me personally. Ironically all of these emotional issues, are part of the ones that caused me to get involved in the drug distribution in 2010, which I speak of in my first 2 posts. Jesus once told me that even though I started to take some actions towards repentance, God is not done with me on this issue, since I have not healed the emotions which caused me to be part of unloving actions towards others. I can see how this is totally the case and how I have been very resistive to see the extent of my emotional demands and addictions that lead me up to take those actions and also to continue to be unloving in a way I see and use money and treat people who have or don’t have money differently in my every day to day life ever since I was a child. I am also working on the blog about the feedback I received about my attitudes regarding money, and my initial realisations about my resistances on the subject for anyone else who might be interested in this topic. I think talking about the selfish view most of us have, of a resource such as money, is important in our world today. I believe that most of the people would benefit themselves, and as a result the world would too, if we felt and released our emotions associated with what money give us and represent to us.
So what I said above can act as a disclaimer for the series of these posts, that while I was able to feel some things about taking actions to correct my unloving physical actions that were harmful to other people, and have already felt some positive compensation for these corrective actions, I, however, have not yet engaged in the process to resolve the emotional reasons for my actions, and therefore have not yet completed the process in full. I, therefore, continue to feel painful compensation in my heart about these causes to remind me to keep going with the process until its fully done. From the positive compensation I have started to feel already, I can only speculate the relief that will happen in my soul, once I fully heal the reasons, I suspect it will be profound. The lesson I learnt to not procrastinate with dealing with issues, the issues that I am already aware of, I am now looking at how to engage the process I’ve experimented with throughout 2016 while taking physical actions, but do it with more of an open heart this time to deal with emotional causes, and to compare the processes and the outcomes of my engagements.
If what I am saying here, about working on becoming brutally honest with yourself & not delaying to take loving actions, in some way is not clear, I would just like to emphasise, to anyone who has done wrong by others, and to encourage to engage in the process of reflecting about what caused you to take such an action & recovering the actions as soon as you become aware that those actions were harmful. The next important thing I found, is not to be harsh towards myself about the truth of my actions. This is a lesson I am still learning. It is very important to grow compassion towards yourself as it will help you to soften to the reasons why you did it. This may take you some time to work through the resistances to understanding the reasons for your actions and to healing yourself. If you initiated the process now, it will become totally worth it in the long run.
For recommended viewing on the subjects of Repentance & Forgiveness created & delivered by Jesus & Mary, go to here: God’s Laws of Repentance & Forgiveness series. This is a series of presentations which build upon each other, and therefore Jesus & Mary recommend to view them in chronological order, by the date they were recorded, which can be seen in the title of each presentation.
In the blog post Living Transparently 4, I will list things that helped me to stay with the process I discuss in these posts.